Sunday, December 21, 2008

A Singular Look Into A Life In The Day Of A Non-Fictional Imaginary Character

6:00 Am: I woke up...I needed to use the bathroom, then I went back to bed.
6:30 Am: I woke up again, my crazy headmate's alarm clock went off...I really hate that guy, you have no idea how much!!
6:45 Am: My headmate went to take a shower, so I went to the magical kingdom of OZ, I had a very nice talk with the new Wicked Witch of the West, killed the Wizard, and dropped huge fireballs on the Emerald City...that was fun.
7:30 Am: I went back home to see what the nutjob was doing, he went to work...yup the shlub has to work for a living.
7:45 Am: I got bored, so I went back to my world, which is much more fun than nutjob's head...and not nearly as scary.
7:50 Am: My mountain was attacked by an army from...well...I'm not really sure where they were from. I sneezed...all of their horses turned into giant cockroaches and ate them...that was funny.
8:15 Am: I killed one of the cockroaches and had roasted leg of roach for breakfast.
8:30 Am: I wandered that's it, just wandered around.
9:00 Am: I went back to nutjob's world to see if he was doing anything interesting...he was telling a bunch of kids to do some...paper thing...what'd he call it was boring.
9:05 Am: I left nutjob with the kids and the boring work paper thing and went to visit my girlfriend, Gethrugb...ya...if you're not spitting then your not saying it right.
9:15 Am: I took me, ten minutes of Gethrugb and you've gotta get out...why am I dating this girl again...
9:45 Am: I went back home and summoned up Gilly to find out who attacked me...Gilly's a coward.
10:30 Am: I got some stuff together, the fun kinda stuff, and grabbed Olef to go have some fun.
12:00 Pm: Olef and I met a trader on the road the fun...I slipped a man eating gnarlseed into his cart...wish I could have seen that come out.
1:45 Pm: Olef and I made it to the fun...which in this case was a village from the kingdom that sent an army after me...Blisstonia...let me know if you find a cornier name. I turned their water into broccoli juice, I withered their crops, and I made all of the vermin (rats, bugs, spiders, ect.) quadruple in size and vicious...and I gave all of their livestock boils and their children leprosy. That'll teach'em to send an army after me.
2:15 Pm: I sent Olef back home and went back to...the real see what Nutjob was doing, he was still doing something boring with a bunch of kids. I tried to convince him to play a fun little prank and put superglue in all of their seats...he wouldn't do it. Guy makes me up to have fun, but does he ever take any of my advice...NO...hence, Nutjob.
2:30 Pm: I went back to see what Olef was doing...he was still walking...I was made for fun...I need fun...walking is not fun...unless there's something fun at the end of the walking, which there isn't.
2:45 Pm: I went back to pester Nutjob more, but the kids were fun there.
2:50 Pm: Olef was still walking...yup...still walking
3:30 Pm: Olef and I stopped for a late lunch...Olef packed some of...something that tasted really good...I don't know what...Olef is a really good cook.
4:00 Pm: A giant dinosaur came out of the..."Crugg don't write that" (That was Olef)..."Don't write that either, I don't wanna be-Crugg stop writing-seriously-Fine, there was no dinosaur, Crugg's just bored. Happy now, happy that you-fine I'm not talking anymore."...hehehehe...that was funny.
4:45 Pm: Olef and I ran into Egruld, he's from the Lesser Association of Necromantic Spellcasters...yes there is a Greater Association of Necromantic Spellcasters...don't was possibly the dumbest reason to for a split in all of toe warts have any prophetic significance, to anyone.
5:30 Pm: Olef and I made it home, most of the giant cockroaches were gone...and most of the soldiers were eaten. It wasn't pretty.
5:45 Pm: The mess outside was pretty ugly so I decided to move. I pushed the THE BUTTON...and we were in the Grimwold Forest...I love my house.
6:30 Pm: We had roast bear for dinner...hehe...I roasted the bear...with my nose...hehehe...really...
7:30 Pm: I went to see what Nutjob was doing, he was watching some dumb show about a bunch of people going through some gate...I thought it was stupid...but I stuck around and watched anyway.
8:30 Pm: I went back home and went down to the casting chamber to blow some stuff up.
10:00 Pm: I blew up a lot of stuff...then I went to bed, I need sleep, even if Nutjob doesn't.

Friday, December 19, 2008

The Difference Between a Fictional Character and an Imaginary Character

As I said in my previous post, I am an IMAGINARY character, NOT a fictional character. However, most people don't actually know the difference between the two, so I, incredibly awesome genius of a goblin that I am, have decided to enlighten you. A fictional character is a character that has appeared in a published work, while an imaginary character has not. Do you think Aragorn waits out in the front of a restaurant the way I do, of course not, he gets in before most of the real people do.
Why, you ask, why would he get in before I do, isn't he as reality challenged as I am? Yes, yes he is, but Aragorn is popular, while I, being imaginary, am generally unheard of, and most people say ugly to boot...which of course is a vicious, vicious lie. I am not ugly, I'm actually quite a handsome specimen of gobliness. I even have a girlfriend, maybe I'll introduce you to her next time.
Anyway, back to the topic, the difference between imaginary and fictional characters is popularity. Which is absolutely ridiculous, I mean, I could blast Aragorn out the window with one spell...hey, wait, that's a good idea, next time I see him I should definitely do that...anyway, I could, but people know Aragorn, they see him on tv and movies and in books. Me, I think about ten people in the real world have ever even heard of me, plus the guy who made me...but he's completely nuts so he doesn't count...yup completely nuts...and not around at the moment so I can say it as many times as I want.
Anyway, that's the difference between imaginary and fictional characters and thats why this blog is for the rights of imaginary characters only, those fictional guys get all the press already...stingy little jerks...

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Against the Blatant Existencism Commonly Perpetrated Towards Non-Fictional Imaginary Persons

I am Crugg. I am NOT a fictional character, I just don't happen to live in a world that actually exists in, you know, reality. This does NOT mean that I am any less of a person than anyone else out there. I get this attitude all the time, every time I go out to eat I have to wait forever and listen to hosts and servers say things like, "Don't worry, he's not real." or "Oh, he's fictional, we don't need to deal with him."
Well just because I'm not real doesn't mean I'm not HUNGRY!!! Imaginary people eat too, if you smell us do we not stink, if you prick us do we not bleed!! Ok, ok, so I'm quoting Shakespeare and probably doing it badly too, but it gets the point across. The fact that we're not real doesn't mean that we're not real, does it?
Well, I suppose it probably does, but it doesn't mean we're not important.
So, this is me; yes I'm a goblin, yes I'm under five feet tall and look like a giant walking bruise, yes I live in a fairy tail world where nothing is really real.
I am demanding equal rights for all Non-Fictional Imaginary Persons and I'm starting this blog to do it, and to maybe like advertise stuff, if I feel like it. But the main reason is definitely to get equal rights for us NFIP's...
Is anyone actually going to read this?...I wonder, I mean seriously, I go to all the trouble of starting a blog...I bet you no one ever even sees this thing, this was all your stupid idea!